How do you know when to "Just say no"?

I just wanted an excuse to put up a picture of these lively business-dames. Photo credit

A few weeks ago I was being considered for a position that was, on the surface, probably as close to a dream job as I could hope for right now. Out of hundreds of applicants, I was lucky enough to be given an opportunity to interview. Of course, I did my research on the job and the organization, making calls to people in my network to get more information. I spoke with the individual I would be interviewing with, and he described the parameters of the position in detail to me. I may be slightly above entry-level, but I quickly assessed in this five minute phone call that this position was for an established professional. And while I met all the requirements listed on the job posting, they were obviously needing someone with extensive experience. Experience that I didn't have. I fought back the quiet 'no's' in my head at first, telling myself I'd find out more at the interview and perhaps my lack of experience wasn't that important. Because after all, they had decided to interview me. When it came time for the interview, I was prepared and enthusiastic. I channeled my inner young professional like I never knew I could (see Bette Midler's Sadie in Big Business, minus the flip phone and shoulder pads, although that would have been awesome). But still, that feeling that this would be too much, that I wasn't ready, persisted; and in the days following, I started carrying the heaviest of heavyweight feelings: Guilt. I was Guilty for not being grateful enough for all the connections that had helped me land that interview, Guilty for not being ambitious enough to take a risk, Guilty for not being more forthcoming in the interview, miming Bette's cucumber cool self-assurance like my life depended on it, Guilty for lying to myself and the Director about my readiness to take on such a huge responsibility (I won't go into details, but trust me, it was huge). Just about everyone I had the guts to confide my doubts to basically told me I'd be crazy to say no. I didn't even ask my Dad because I knew the force of his response over the phone would propel me backwards into the nearest wall. When I finally consulted my most-trusted former colleages, their advice was to simply wait and see what the Director would decide. Two weeks passed as I twiddled my thumbs, anxiously wondering what I would decide to do if I was in fact, offered the job. And well, as you can imagine with all this guilty, greasy build-up, I never had to make that decision because they went with a different candidate.


The thing is, from a very young age, we are taught how to 'just say no'. Say no to drugs, say no to peer pressure and toxic friends and bad relationships. We've finally allowed ourselves to say "no" to our co-workers, to our families and our closest friends when their demands become too much. Its even becoming culturally acceptable to turn down promotions in the notoriously ultra competitive Japanese business world . Basically, the logic follows that if the proposal in question is not the right fit - Will you work more hours? Will you watch my dog? Will you marry me? - we can and should say no. And even though I didn't have to say no to this job (someone else said it for me), I wondered if our ability to say no isn't inversely proportionate to our age.

It seems there is some widely accepted rule that says college grads have to hungrily lap up anything and everything that is offered up to us, and gone are the days when it gets offered on a silver platter (were there ever days like that?). And as we get older, it seems we flex our 'nixing' muscles more and more. But should we really be saying 'yes' to anything - even if its eons away from the field we want to be in or requires much more time/experience/whatever than we are currently able to give it? For those who know their talents and capacities, their passions and areas of interest, I'd like to shout a big fat, "NO"! But this is something I hear very little discussion about; even thinking about writing this post caused my guilt to come creeping back.  So I would love to hear what others think...

I'll raise a glass to that

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately, letting my mind settle on events and periods of the past which it normally only skims, like to recall the address of my first job in high school for a job application (so unnecessary, by the way). Lately the image in my rearview mirror is Drake University, my would-be alma mater. The memory of this place which I entered so full of unbridled hope and innocent dreams as an 18-year-old Girl from the North Country is a complicated one for me; one that I have not spent much time looking back on, because, well, I was busy moving forward. But in fact, now I'm beginning to see what it represents in my life: my ambition to strike out into unknown territory and seek a world and life of my own making. I did not know a single person at Drake, I'd never even been to Iowa. Rather than feeling unnerved, I was thrilled. In my mind, this was where my journalist-self would establish her roots, and blossom. I imagined it as a short pit stop on my way to bigger things in bigger cities.

Instead, what it wound up being was an even shorter pit stop on my way to bigger universities (in bigger cities). The decision to leave Drake was relatively easy (my friendships there were, by and large, the biggest loss), yet in the wake of my undergraduate education, I have often caught myself thinking about this place; what it means now, and what it might have meant had I stayed. I'm aware; this is a dangerous and some might say pointless game  to play, so I limit my "What If's" to just a few. And really, its only through observing the progress and achievements of my fellow classmates and friends that naturally, I've begun to wonder if my path might have been similar. I've been tracking their progress via Facebook which I'll admit is kind of weird but not so weird that I won't admit I'm doing it. Many of the folks with whom I sat through David Wright's Journalism 101 class are now doing pretty amazing things and I can't help but feel in awe of the fact that they're doing it. It, meaning the exact thing they (and I) set out to do when we set our wobbly feet on Drake's campus four years ago. Maybe my admiration is simply caused by the twisty, prickly path I ending up following, but I believe its more than that. Because how many college grads out there are doing anything that even slighltly resembles what they intended to do six months, a year, even two years out of school? Even nursing and engineering students are having a tough time making that happen. So, I raise my glass to those Drake grads, and fondly remember all the glasses we raised together during that funny, fumbling, freshman year.

One other note to make about Drake. During our freshman invocation, the University President gave us one piece of advice: Be really adaptable. It's simple. Not too impressive-sounding. Yet, even though I never would adapt to life at Drake, I carried that lesson with me to the next two universities and believe that now more than ever, there has never been a greater need for adaptability. The successes - and failures - of Gen Y will be measured almost entirely by our capacity to act as chameleons in our professional lives, to not only adapt to change, but most usefully, to anticipate it. (Please read the terrific article on job-hopping by Rebecca Modite, particularly if you're feeling down in the unemployed-dumps. Did you read it? Good, now grab your swords and fight the nay-saying hordes!)

So looking back, good ol' Drake and I weren't the failure I once imagined us to be. There's a lot to be pulled from that time, and I will no longer be so quick to simply skim the surface of those memories and lessons, including how to adapt to situations and surroundings. And life. Yes, I'd say that's certainly something to toast.

and the train it keeps on moving

Oh my dear, few readers (Mom), I regret allowing so much time to pass before writing. Mostly, I am regretful for my own sake, that I let this blog and all the ideas I had for it wither away at the exact moment it began to take off (yes, having four reader comments by complete strangers meant "taking off" for me). I got a job and so the unemployed moniker became irrelevant. I dabbled over the past few months of how I might re-name this blog and what I might turn its focus to. But mostly, I became comfortable with my 8-5 gig and writing about careers, and job-hunting, and a new college grad who encounters those things no longer occupied a large space in my brain. Not to say that I wasn't thinking about all of it. Especially because the job was temporary and now, is quickly approaching its expiration date. Once again, I will be unemployed.

This time will be different, and thats not just a statement of defiance. I've learned so much in the past months: the subtle yet significant differences between work, jobs, and careers; the styles in which others approach work and working, and the ways they approach unemployment and not working; the infinite possibilities that exist once you begin to think outside of the cubicle box.. I'm headed toward my second period of unemployment with the understanding that it will be temporary but probably, not the last. Its with a calm sense of awareness that I again climb aboard that moving train. I've got some ideas of where I might go, but I won't be disappointed if I don't get there for awhile.

This blog will be changing along with my views of unemployment, employment, and conscious living. I hope to bridge many of the divisions that are placed between these few ideas, and explore their synthesis. I'll still share my ideas and thoughts on the career-pursuit, while keeping in mind that work in 21st century America (and beyond) is changing at an immeasurably rapid pace. Part of this change is in the individual as a worker, and how she can create and determine her own market value. I am working on imagining my self not within the confines of a business or organization, but rather, as a business/organization in itself. I will write more about me, in hopes of discovering how I can go about creating a career that I am passionate about. Once again, I've got-a lot-a ideas...and soon again, I'll have a lot-a-time.

For right now, here's a list of the people I'm most enamored with on the blogosphere, for their abilities to innovatively pursue (and bridge) life and work in this new day-and-age:

Jamie Varon: http://www.alifeintranslation.com/

Sloane Barrent (the epitome of work/life/philanthropy, I bow down): http://www.thecausemopolitan.com/

Jonathan Mead: http://www.illuminatedmind.net/

Chris Guillebeau (by no means an ordinary guy; but inspiring nonetheless): http://chrisguillebeau.com/3x5/

Gwen Bell: http://www.gwenbell.com/blog

Stay tuned, ya'll..

On staying afloat..

Having been a full-time unemployed American for nearly six months, I feel I am qualified to share this list of do's (and some don'ts) for those struggling to keep our heads above water. And by heads, I mean our mental sharpness, motivation, and readiness.

1) Stay aware of your surroundings. This is always Survival Tip #1 no matter which incident, natural disaster, or crime you are trying to protect yourself from. In the case of being unemployed, this simply means being plugged into your community. Libraries and community centers are terrific - and free - resources that are offering useful information sessions, Q&A's, and workshops for job seekers, among other resources. Public universities often offer career services to the general public, not only alumni or students. All it takes is a trip to their website to find out. Reading the events section of your city's newspaper will also keep you abreast of opportunities to tap into while you search sans prix, and also often lead to networking opportunities. The main idea is to assess your area's built-in set of resources while being aware of how you can best utilize them.

2) Keep up regular contact. You're stuck in open waters with no rescue boat or shoreline to be seen, and you're pretty sure those dark figures below are ravenous sharks waiting to chomp you to pieces. This may be an accurate description of unemployment for many, and if it is, it probably means you've got to come back down to Earth for a while because you're losing it. Part of staying motivated and realistic about your job situation means you have to be talking about it to people. Lots of people. As much as your schedule - or really, their schedule - will allow. Being unemployed is not something to be ashamed of talking about, especially lately; and really, when there's honest, frank discussion going on about work in this day and age, why shouldn't there be the same for those not working? Rather than hiding your circumstances from acquaintances, make it known. Make the fact that you're actively searching known. Even make your frustrations known (but beware of sounding 9-year-old whiny). That way, the woman you met at a conference or at your weekly book club is much more likely to remember you when she hears about an opening in the field you had mentioned looking for work in. Never underestimate the power of people. Even if it doesn't lead to a job, talking to people on the other side can help greatly in staying focused and grounded when you're worst fears and doubts take hold of you.

3) Give yourself a break. Just like we strive for a work/life balance when in regular 9-5 work, we should be striving for the same when working full-time to find a job. The ratio may be somewhat different than what it was when you were working an office gig, but you need to have a day off every now and then. Give yourself the time to do the things you love, and even better, things that you're good at. Taking on a non-search related project from start to finish can provide a healthy sense of accomplishment that those in long-term unemployment are often starving for. You'll be invigorated when you return to treading water - and if cooking is your productive activity like it is mine - you'll have a delicious meal to enjoy!

4) Be resourceful. Another classic survival tip. Translated for unemployment purposes: explore every imaginable avenue for sharpening your skills and talents. Even if it means you won't get paid. There are a million and one opportunities to get involved with organizations these days as nonprofits are being forced to stretch their budgets even thinner than usual. And gone is the one-dimensional model of volunteering you experienced in high school. Nowadays, organizations want skilled professionals who both identify with their overall mission and are interested in sharing their cultivated knowledge and highly particular experience, no matter what sector its coming from. Websites like Idealist and Hands On Network are great national search tools for finding an opportunity catered to your interests, while more local opportunities can be found no further than coffee-shop bulletin boards. And it goes without saying that these volunteering gigs are hot beds for networking with other professionals from across sectors and fields of work. Many individuals who find themselves unemployed mid-career are quick to scoff at the idea of doing non-paying work, but if those individuals have a better idea for keeping their computer/communication/management skills sharp, staying abreast of local/national issues, all while expanding their network - let me know and I'll post it here.

Just because you haven't found the organization that will pay for your skill set doesn't mean it's not worth anything, and furthermore, that you shouldn't continue to cultivate and expand upon it. You'll be much more attractive - and successful - as a candidate if you've displayed a continuing commitment to both your professional development and a worthy cause, even if it was in a volunteer capacity.

Note: I realize that my four tips-approach for succeeding at unemployment might seem a little off to some, meaning they might find it a little weird that I'm glorifying the situation of having no work. Which is way off.

What I'm hoping to say with both this post and this entire blog in general is that given the actual state of employment (and unemployment) in our country at this time, it is a very real and yet very challenging thing to find yourself without work. With that, I am convinced that there is a right way to go about being unemployed, if indeed it becomes your long-term reality instead of the temporary stint you may have expected. And that right way doesn't involve self-pity, misguided or half-assed attempts, but can be just as calculated, intent-filled and learning-intensive as any other career move. And I am figuring out the rest as I go.

following the scent...

Ok, I'm fearing that I'm starting to sound like one of those crazy careers-people who can't stop tweeting their innovative ideas every time they're near a wi-fi hotspot (and lets face it: those scary people are always near one...) But I'll accept the likely chance of sounding 21st century career-junkie during this post, because this weekend truly did ignite a new spark for the work I'm currently engaged in, and the position I'm diligently working to arrange for myself in the future. And it wasn't until after the two days of events and work had ended that I realized how abuzz I felt, even going off of a depleted sleep-reserve. Yeah, the coffee probably had something to do with it too.

Friday was a conference for grant-writers (a rank which I can officially place myself within, now) and a day full of amazing panel-sessions (including a live grant-making session with a proposal on which I collaborated. We didn't win, but there was an unexpected consolation prize that came out of it...) and chances to meet many development professionals from a number of areas in Seattle nonprofits. The best part of this day, for me, was finally being in a room I knew I deserved to be in, and had worked hard to get to. If this sounds like a small accomplishment, well it was. But not small in terms of the impact it had on me. Because following months of rejections and silence from employers and contacts alike, I needed a reminder, a firm push toward the field of work in which I've been trying to carve a place for myself. I had earned the right to be there, as a scholarship recipient, and that tiny achievement had voluminous effects.

Saturday was my interning organization's annual Auction Event, a messy, stressy, but wonderfully satisfying day/night for both myself and the organization as a whole. Again, a day that set my nonprofit embers aglow.

What has probably been the most unexpected and most challenging part of being unemployed, especially having no previous career to go from: continuing to chase the goals I had set for myself long before I knew how difficult it would be. So many times I have considered putting these efforts aside for the time being. So many times I have doubted myself, and my ability to actually get a job that's even partly related to what I want to be doing. And yes, a lot of these considerations have been made out of practicality and the fact that there are just more jobs available in customer-service and retail - and my newly-invigorated aspirations for nonprofit work won't keep me from applying to those jobs as well. Still, its been a hard coin to settle, whether to keep seeking opportunities that will let me down or opt for something that I'm more likely to get, but is uninteresting or worse, non-challenging. And these sorts of set-ups allow ample room for doubt to creep in. Do I really want to be doing this? I can't find a job, which must mean I'm just not cut out for this kind of work...

So I'm happy to say that just in time, this weekend let me know (in a head-throbbingly exhausting sort of way) that I'm sniffing out the right tracks. Which is just another way of saying that my senses haven't failed me whatsoever.

One giant leap...

I recently celebrated my 23rd birthday. My friends and I marked the occasion with an evening of decadent food, ever-flowing drinks, and non-stop dancing. While celebrations were light-hearted (and wonderfully collaborated, thanks to aforementioned friends), there shone a noticeably heavier glow from the light of those twenty-three candles. This feeling of mounting maturity and responsibility may have been contributed to by the fact that, for the first time in my life, I am not headed back for another year of school. As my friends and boyfriend begin their mornings with a crisp walk to campus, textbooks in tow, I stay at home - usually attached to my computer and phone for the latest job listings and contact calls.

Yet, I can't say that I'm not embracing my new Age Box (I just checked one for 23 - 29!). And I actually think that this may be precisely because I am not headed back to school for once, and because my future has never felt more in my hands. (Whether that's a good or bad thing is still to be determined - I kid, I kid!)

Turning the big 2-3 also has helped me to adopt a more accommodating attitude toward change. What was once a big, bad, six-letter word that found me hiding under the covers, the notion of change is no longer so intimidating. Example: My techno-phobia. I don't think my post about starting a blog quite conveyed the extent of my unexplainable and, now I realize, pretty irrational aversion to new 21st Century technology. But it can be summed up with a simple analogy to water's dislike for oil. Throughout college, I guess you could say I chose to be blissfully ignorant of words like i-pod, Blackberry, and Flickr. I mostly stuck with the basics - texting and Facebook - all the while claiming to be 'an old-fashioned girl'. Once I finished school and found time to start reading things again, I realized how far my ignorance had extended. Somehow, it had turned into fear.

So when the boyfriend's birthday gift to me was a small, sleek, and oh-so-stunning emerald green i-pod, I hate to admit that I wasn't too thrilled. I was actually terrified of having to learn how to use it! I gave a "Thanks," before muttering, "but I like my CD's" under my breath. Now, this is not an easy thing for a young, supposedly hip Generation Y'er to admit. We are hailed as the most tech-savvy, the most computer literate, the most adept with every teeny tiny device that's been dreamed up in the past five years.

But here's my official statement: I'm not. I'm not even close to being savvy.

Here's another statement: I'm working on it. I am adapting. Not only do I love how that green piece of metal shines on my bookshelf, I also love the 230 songs I learned to put on it. (One small step for Gen Y, one giant leap for me..)

And this blog. I haven't been the most frequent updater in its first two months of conception, but I'm feeling more and more excited each day about the work I want to put into it. Its leading me to seek all kinds of information on ideas and words I would have turned my nose against a year ago. And now that I've got this neat new layout, I feel like its a place I can visit more often. I hope at least a few others out there will too...even if its just my mom and best friend.

In the Aftermath of Rejection

So I alluded to my most recent rejection in the last post, but in the past couple of days, have really begun to dig deeper into what that moment of rejection might mean in the long term, and more broadly, what this extended period of involuntary unemployment is starting to mean for me and my future career.

The morning of my last interview (it was the second interview with this company), I was having some trouble getting psyched up. It was a distant cry from the type of job I wanted or imagined myself being qualified for, yet, nearly four months into being completely jobless, I knew I needed to land something. To give this company its credit, it was offering medical benefits, paid vacations, and store discounts, along with a cheerful atmosphere - certainly not a bad gig. And so, the boyfriend pumped me up with a few minutes of Drill Seargent shouting:

"What are you gonna do?!"

"GET-A-JOB!"

"When are you gonna get it?!"

"RIGHT-NOW-SIR!"

I walked into the interview feeling excited, confident, and hopeful about working there. I sold it the best I knew how, following the advice of people who had interviewed successfully for the company in the past. At the end, I reiterated my desire to join their team, and my firm belief that I would prove a strong asset. The hiring manager told me to expect a call the following day, and I was prepared to receive a job offer 24 hours later. So when the call I received instead did not allow me to say the words, "I accept", I was disappointed to say the least. Once I hung up the phone, sat shell-shocked on my bed, remembering the encouraging words of friends and family who told me I would land the job "without a doubt", I felt even worse. And then, as I made the horrible mistake of factoring in the months of both explicit and implicit rejection, I couldn't help but think the most pitiful of self-pitying thoughts: "What is wrong with me?"

I could have asked similar questions like this for hours, even days. And in fact, I still am wondering what didn't quite add up about me for this particular hiring manager (which makes me wish I had asked him before the end of that unremarkable phone call). Granted, I allowed myself a few hours to indulge in orange Popsicles while evaluating my personal worth. But then around Popsicle No. 5, I realized that 1) I hadn't really wanted that job in the first place, and 2) if they hadn't been able to assess my tremendous value in two interviews, then I really didn't want to work there. And that provided just the right push I needed. It sounds cliche, but I realized that that job and I just weren't meant to be.

It also served as a reminder of how tough things still are, for qualified candidates, for degree-holding candidates, for all candidates. But the definite silver lining in this reality is the fact that people are much more willing to help you out. I have made several professional contacts who have astounded me with their willingness to make valuable introductions for me, forward my credentials onto colleagues, or just talk frankly about the hiring situations in their field over a cup of coffee.

Now is the time to take advantage of this.

Not the time for sitting in a pile of Popsicle sticks.

And looking at the larger picture, I have recently acknowledged the transformative effect this long period of unemployment has made on my approach to and ideas on building a career. Had I landed a job straight out of college, I would never have had to think half as much as I currently am about how to market myself to employers and peers. Or the importance of building cross-industry networks. Or written so many resumes or cover letters. These will all prove incredibly valuable throughout my career, as I move from job to job, field to field, and encounter the next economic bumps and slumps. Not to mention the amount of time this period has provided me toward researching jobs and fields of interest, so that I might realize what I really am passionate about pursuing.

So that when the time is right, my boyfriend won't have to be the one to jazz me up before an interview.